25- Show them that you want the best for them
Whenever your heart becomes filled with love and sincerity towards others, you naturally become earnest in your skills in dealing with them; people begin to feel your love for them, and in turn, they too begin to increase in their love and acceptance of you.
A female doctor’s private clinic was always full of patients. The patients always wanted to visit her as each of them felt that she was their personal friend.This female doctor would employ various skills that would spellbind people’s hearts.
One of those skills was that she agreed with her secretary that if any of the patients ever called, wanting to speak to the doctor or to ask her something about an illness, the secretary would welcome her,ask her name,then kindly request her to call back after five minutes.
The secretary would then open up her health record and hand it over to the doctor. The doctor would read all the information about the patient, look into the record, and become acquainted with all her information,including her work,and even her children’s names. Then, when the patient would call back, she would welcome her and enquire about her illness, about her youngest child, and general news about her work, etc. The patient would then feel that this doctor really liked her to such an extent that she even remembered the names of her children as well as the illness she is suffering from.The doctor did even not forget where she worked! Not surprisingly, this patient would be inclined to visit this particular doctor each time she needed medical advice. See how easy it is to win and captivate hearts?
There is nothing wrong in expressing your love for others frankly, be the person a father, mother, wife, child, colleague or neighbour. Do not hide your feelings towards them. Proclaim your love to them by saying,“I love you”,“You are very precious to me”,etc.Even if this person happens to be an open sinner,you could say to him,“You are more beloved to me than many others!” And you wouldn’t have lied, since surely they are more beloved to you than millions of diselievers, isn’t that so? Be smart!
I remember once I went to perform ‘Umrah. I was in the middle of performing Tawaaf and Sa‘ee, praying for all the Muslims generally, that they be protected and granted victory and dominion. I also probably said something like, “O Allah, forgive me, my beloved ones and my friends.” After finishing the rituals of ‘Umrah, I praised Allah for making it easy for me.
I then rented out a room in a hotel to spend a night therein. As I rested my head on the pillow, I wrote a text message on my mobile phone saying, “Just now, I have finished my ‘Umrah and remembered my beloved ones.And because you are one of them, I did not forget you in my supplications. May Allah protect you and give you all ability” – End of message.
I sent this to all the names stored in my telephone memory, that is, about five hundred people. I couldn’t even imagine the amazing effect it would have on people’s hearts.Someone replied saying,“By Allah, I cried as I read your message.Thank you for remembering me in your supplication.” Another wrote, “By Allah, dear Abu Abd al-Rahman, I do not know what to say in reply. But, may Allah reward you with good.” Yet another replied,“I ask Allah to accept your prayers. By Allah, we will never forget you.”
In reality, we do need to occasionally remind people that we love them, and that the numerous problems in the world have not made us forget them.This much can be done via something as simple as sending text messages.You can send text messages to your loved ones saying:“I prayed for you between the Adhan and Iqamah…”, or “on the last hour of Friday”. If your intention is pure, then this would not constitute making a display of good deeds or showing off.This would only result in greater love and respect between the Muslims.
I recall once giving a lecture at a summer camp in Ta’if, on ash-Shafa Mountain, which is a picnicking site where many young people gather. Most of the attendees there were young people who looked very righteous. Other youngsters also remained around the picnic sites, busy with entertainment and music. When the lecture ended, a group of young men came forward to greet me.Amongst them was a young man who had an odd hairstyle and was wearing tight jeans. He came up to me, shook my hand and greeted me. I warmly returned his greetings and thanked him for attending. I shook his hand and said,“You have the face of a preacher”. He smiled and went away. Two weeks later, I was surprised by a phone call.The speaker said,“Do you not recognise me? I am the one to whom you said ‘you have the face of a preacher’. By Allah, I will become a preacher, if Allah wills.” He then began to open up to me and explain to me his inner sentiments.
Do you see how people are affected by truthful expressions and love?
As for the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him,he would captivate people’s hearts merely by the charm of his manners and his ability to demonstrate his true love for them. Abu Bakr and ‘Umar were the best of the Companions.They would always compete with each other in good.Abu Bakr would mostly surpass ‘Umar. If ‘Umar were to be early for prayer, he would find that Abu Bakr had already preceded him. If he were to feed a poor person, he would find that Abu Bakr had already done the same before him. If he were to stay awake the night praying,he would find thatAbu Bakr had surpassed him yet again.
Once, the Prophet peace be upon him ordered the people to give charity, in order to alleviate a hardship the Muslims were facing. It happened that at the time ‘Umar was very affluent, and so he decided,“Today,I will surpass Abu Bakr,if I am ever to surpass him at all.” ‘Umar then went and brought half of his wealth and gave it to the Messenger of Allah – may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him.What was the first thing the Prophet peace be upon himsaid to ‘Umar upon seeing this wealth? Did he ask him how much it was? Did he ask him about the type of gold and silver?
No. Rather, when he saw the amount of wealth, he said words from which ‘Umar gathered that he was beloved to the Messenger of Allah – may Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him. He said to ‘Umar,“What did you leave behind for your family, O ‘Umar?”
‘Umar said,“O Messenger of Allah, I have left behind its like for my family.” ‘Umar then sat next to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him enthusiastically waiting for Abu Bakr.Then came Abu Bakr with plenty of wealth, and gave it to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himwhilst ‘Umar remained standing in his place, watching Abu Bakr and listening to the discussion that took place thereafter.The Prophet peace be upon him, before looking at his wealth to see what he might have required,asked Abu Bakr:“O Abu Bakr,what did you leave behind for your family?”
Yes, he loved Abu Bakr and loved his family, and therefore did not want him to suffer any hardship.Abu Bakr said in response: “O Messenger of Allah, I left for them Allah and His Messenger.”
He came with all of his wealth. Not half, nor a quarter, but all! ‘Umar then had no choice but to say,“This is no shock.I will never be able to surpass Abu Bakr!”
The people would love the Prophet peace be upon himintensely as they felt that he loved them.The Prophet peace be upon himonce prayed with them, and shortened his prayer noticeably.After the prayers were finished, the Prophet peace be upon him observed that his Companions were surprised. Thus, he said to them,“Perhaps, you are surprised that I short
ened the prayer?”
They replied,“Yes.”
He explained,“I heard a child cry, so I felt merciful towards
the mother.” Did you notice how he loved others? His love for the people clearly shined through in his treatment of them.
You are not alone
Display your emotions.Be frank,“I love you.I was delighted to see you.You are precious to me.”
26- Remember names
This is also a way of showing concern for people. How great it is to meet a person on occasion, such as in a bank, or plane, or a wedding party, and then be acquainted with his name; thereafter, when you see him on a different occasion, you go up to him and say, “Hello, so-and-so!” Undoubtedly, this would implant in his heart love and respect for you.
For you to remember the name of the person in front of you shows him that you have concern for him.There is a difference between a teacher who remembers the names of his students and the one who does not. For you to say to a student,“Stand up, O so-and-so” is better than to say,“Stand up, O student!”
Even when responding to a telephone call, which is more beloved to you? For one to respond to you saying, “Yes” or “Hello”? Or for one to say,“Hello, dear Khalid!” or,“Hello Abu ‘Abdullah!”? No doubt, the fact that you hear your name rings bells in your heart.
It has become a tradition that after I deliver general lectures, many youngsters come to me to shake my hand and to thank me. I am therefore always eager to repeat the phrase,“What is your name? Who am I speaking to?”
I say this to everyone I greet, to show that I care for him. Hence, everyone of them responds to me, saying, “I am your brother, Ziyad”, or,“I am your son,Yasir” and so on.
I recall that once when just after a great number of youngsters greeted me and left, one of them came back to ask me a question. The first thing I said to him was, “May Allah prolong your life,O Khalid!” He rejoiced and said,“Praise be to Allah! You know my name!” People often like to be called by their names.
It is well known that all policemen wear name plates on their shirts. I recall that once I gave a lecture in a garrison town, and many policemen came to me to greet me after the lecture. I noticed that one of them kept going back and forth, as if he wanted to greet me, but was too shy to walk through the crowd around me.I turned to him,looked at the name plate he had on his chest, extended my hand to him and said,“Welcome,dear so-and-so.” His face changed and he was amazed. He extended his hand to shake mine and, said with a smile on his face, “Wow! How did you know my name?” I said to him,“Dear brother, we must make an effort to know the names of those we love.” This had a great effect on him.Many people feel a sense of satisfaction due to this, and wish that they also remember the names of others.
There are many reasons why some people cannot recall others’ names. One of them is the lack of concern for people while meeting them.Another is that their minds are preoccupied whilst meeting and asking others’ their names such that they are unable to focus when they mention their names.Another factor is their own attitude towards the person they are meeting.
Because you believe that you probably will not meet him again, you deem it unnecessary to remember the name. Or if the person is very ordinary, and does not affect you enough to catch your attention. Sometimes, you do not get to hear the name properly, and feel embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. These are some of the reasons people do not remember names.
There are several ways of curing this problem of not being able to remember names. One is to realise the importance of remembering people’s names, and to feel that once you have heard their names, you would be asked to repeat them after a few minutes. Another way is to focus on a person’s face while listening to his name. Try to make note of the person in front of you, how he talks and smiles, such that it leaves an impression in your memory. As you speak to him, refer to him by his name repeatedly,“…isn’t that right, so-and-so?”,“…did you hear that, so-and-so?”, or “…do you follow me, so-and-so?” Repeat it more than once.
This is very important, for if you were to contemplate the Qur’an, you would find that Allah, the Mighty and Majestic, refers to His Prophets by their names:
“O Abraham! Turn away from them…”
“O Noah! He is not from your family”
“O David! We have made you a deputy on this earth”
In short
Show me that you have concern for me by remembering my name, and refer to me by it... and I would surely love you.
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