الجمعة، 20 أبريل، 2012

44- Untie the bundle

44- Untie the bundle

If an error were to occur at the hands of a group of people, then as a rule they should be advised on the spot. However, sometimes you may need to untie the knot of the bundle. I mean by that to speak to each one of them individually and advise them.
For example, if there is a gathering in your house and you happen to overhear your brother speaking to his friends−who were all his guests.You find out that they are planning to travel to a country where most often people become involved in major sins.You decide to advise him, but how should you do so?
You could decide to tackle them all and advise them with a word or two and leave. However, you might not get very successful results. How about if you were to untie the bundle, and deal with it strand-by-strand? Could you do this?
When they have dispersed, sit with the one you think is the most reasonable of them all and say,“O so-and-so, it has reached me that you will be travelling.You seem to be the most intelligent of them all.You know very well that the traveller to this country is not protected from calamities and mishaps. One may even return sick and diseased. How about if you earn their rewards and suggest that they travel to a different country? There they can enjoy the lakes, beaches and amusements without getting involved in any sin.” 
No doubt, if he hears this from you in a nice manner, his zeal would be reduced by half.You can then go to the second person and say the same to him, and then the third, etc, without any of them realising what you have already said to his friends.
Thereafter,you will find that when they meet up again,one of them would suggest that they should go to a different country, and he would find another one who would support his suggestion.This way you would have put an end to an evil in an appropriate manner.
Take another example.If you discover one day that your children are getting together in a room to watch a morally depraved video, or a Bluetooth clip of inappropriate pictures, and so on, then perhaps the best solution might be to advise them individually, so that their egos do not compel them to commit sins.
Is there an example for this from the Prophet’s life?
Indeed, there is.When the discord between the Prophet peace be upon him and the Quraysh became severe, the Quraysh got together and boycotted the Prophet along with all his relatives from Banu Hashim. A declaration was written that none should buy from, sell to, or marry into Banu Hashim.
The Prophet peace be upon himalong with his Companions was confined to a barren valley.The calamity became so severe upon the Companions that they were feeding on the trees. In fact, as one of them once went to urinate, he heard a sound beneath him. He looked to discover a piece of camel-skin. He took it with him, 

washed it and roasted it in fire. He then divided it into small portions, mixed it with water and ate it bit by bit over three days!
When Banu Hashim and the Muslims had endured months of hardship, the Prophet peace be upon himsaid to his uncle Abu Talib,who was also confined to the valley with them,“Dear uncle,Allah has sent the wood worm to destroy the Quraysh’s document. It has left in that the name of Allah wherever it occurs in the document, and it has erased all the oppression, boycott and slanders that existed therein.” Meaning, the insect had eaten the Quraysh’s declaration document and nothing was left of it except the phrase, “In your Name, O Allah.”
Upon hearing this,Abu Talib became surprised and said,“Has your Lord informed you of this?”
“Yes”, the Prophet peace be upon him replied.
He said,“By Allah,before anyone comes to you,I will inform the Quraysh of this.”
He then left to see the Quraysh and said to them, “O Quraysh! My nephew has informed me of such and such. Bring your declaration document! If what he said truly happened then you should end the boycott and abandon the declaration. If he has lied then I would leave my nephew to you and you can do what you wish with him!”
The people said,“We are content with this,” and agreed to abide by the suggestion.They then looked at the declaration to find it exactly how the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himhad described it. But they only increased in evil. Banu Hashim and Banu al-Muttalib therefore remained in the valley, until they were about to perish. 
Amongst the disbelievers of Quraysh there were some kind men. One of them was Hisham bin ‘Amr. He was a noble man amongst his people.He used to load food on his camel and come to Banu Hashim and Banu al-Muttalib in the valley at night.When he approached the entrance of the valley, he would untie the halter of his camel and strike it on the side until it entered the valley.
As days went by, Hisham realised that he was unable to provide them with food every night any longer,especially when there were so many of them. He therefore decided to try to reverse the oppressive declaration.But how could he,when the Quraysh had unanimously agreed to it? He decided to adopt the ‘untie the bundle’ method.What did he do?
He went to Zuhayr bin Abi Umayyah, whose mother was ‘Atika bint ‘Abd al-Muttalib,and said,“O Zuhayr,are you pleased that you are able to eat food, wear clothes and marry women, whilst your maternal uncles are in a state you are aware of? They cannot be traded with nor be married into? I swear by Allah, if they were the maternal uncles of Abul-Hakam bin Hisham…”
– i.e.Abu Jahl, who was the most severe in his enmity towards the believers and a staunch supporter of the declaration – “…he would not have left them in this state!”
Zuhayr said, “Woe be to you, O Hisham! What can I do? I am only one man. By Allah, if I had another man with me, I would have stood up to reverse it.”
Hisham said,“Well, you have found a man.”
“Who is it?” asked Zuhayr.
“Myself,” replied Hisham. Zuhayr said,“We need a third person.”
Hisham said,“OK, but please conceal my affair.”
Thus he went to al-Mut’im bin ‘Adiy, who was an intelligent 
person, and said to him, “O Mut’im, are you pleased that two families from Banu ‘Abd Manaf perish, whilst you are not only a witness but also in agreement with Quraysh over this?” 
Al-Mut’im said, “Woe be to you! What can I do? I am only one man.” 
Hisham replied,“I have found a second person for you.” 
“Who is this person?” al-Mut’im asked. 
“It is I,” Hisham replied. 
Al-Mut’im said,“We would need a third person.” 
Hisham said,“I have already found one.” 
Al-Mut’im asked,“Who is it?” 
“Zuhayr bin Abi Umayyah,” Hisham replied. 
Al-Mut’im said,“We want a fourth person.” 
Hisham said,“Alright, but please conceal my affair.” 
Hisham then went to Abul-Bakhtari bin Hisham and said to him what he had said to his friends earlier.Abul-Bakhtari became eager and asked,“Have you found anyone to help you in this?” 
“Yes,” Hisham replied. 
“Who is it?” Abul-Bukhtari asked. 
“Zuhayr bin Abi Umayyah,al-Mut’im bin ‘Adiy and I,we are all 
with you,” replied Hisham.

Abul-Bakhtari said,“We will need a fifth person.”
Thereupon,Hisham went to Zam’ah bin al-Aswad.He spoke to him and reminded him of his relationship and their rights over
him.
Zam’ah said to him,“Is there anyone else with you on this?”
He replied,“Yes. So-and-so…”
They then all agreed with this opinion and decided to hold a meeting at ‘Hatm al-Hujun’ at night at the highest part of Makkah. They gathered there and agreed to stand up against the declaration and get it reversed.
Zuhayr said,“I will start by speaking first, and then you can stand up to speak one-by-one.”
In the morning, they went to their gatherings in front of the Ka’bah, where people would meet up to trade. Zuhayr bin Abi Umayyah went forth, dressed in a robe, made seven rounds around the Ka’bah, then turned to the people and said in a loud voice,“O People of Makkah! Do we eat food and wear clothes, whilst Banu Hashim are perishing? They are not able to buy or sell! By Allah,I will not sit until this oppressive declaration is torn apart!”
Upon hearing this,Abu Jahl – who was sitting with his companions – screamed and said,“You have lied! By Allah,it will not be torn apart!”
Then Za’mah bin al-Aswad stood up and said in loud voice, “Rather,you are – by Allah – guiltier of lying! We were not pleased at the declaration when it was written.”
Abu Jahl turned to him to respond, but suddenly, al-Bakhtari also stood up and said,“Za’mah is right.We are not pleased with the declaration nor do we agree with it.” 
Abu Jahl then turned to al-Bakhtari,only to see al-Mut’im bin ‘Adiy blaring,“The two of you have spoken the truth and whoever says otherwise has lied! We free ourselves in front of Allah from this declaration and whatever is written therein!”
Then Hisham bin ‘Amr stood up and said the same.
Abu Jahl became surprised. He stood silently for a while and then said,“This was planned overnight and decided elsewhere.”
Al-Mut’im bin ‘Adiy then went to the Ka’bah to tear up the declaration, only to find it already eaten up by an insect.The only words written therein were,“In your Name, O Allah!”

Be clever…

The experienced doctor feels the body with his hands and only then chooses an appropriate place to inject the needle.

43- The keys to mistakes…

43- The keys to mistakes…

Dealing with mistakes is an art. Every door has a key, and all hearts have ways to them.
When a person falls into a huge error and news of it spreads amongst the people and they start to monitor what he would do next, get them busy with something else, so you may acquire enough time to think over the situation, to make sure no one else has the audacity to make the same mistake, and so that people do not become accustomed to this type of error.
The Prophet peace be upon himmarched forth with his companions on the expedition of Banu al-Mustaliq. On their way back, they stopped over to rest. Meanwhile, the Muhajirun sent a boy called Jahjah bin Mas’ud to fetch some water from the well, whilst the Ansaar also sent a boy called Sinan bin Wabar al-Juhani to fetch water for them.The two boys started to fight over water, and one of them kicked the other on the back.
Al-Juhani cried out,‘O Ansaar!’
Jahjah also cried out,‘O Muhajirun!’
The Ansaar rushed to the scene as did the Muhajirun and began to quarrel.They had just come from a battle and were still carrying their weapons! 
The Prophet peace be upon him went out to them and settled the dispute. But then trouble arose. ‘Abdullah bin Ubayy bin Salul, who was the leader of the hypocrites, became angry.There were a group of Ansaar with him.
He said,“Did they really do this? They have turned against us and outnumbered us in our own land! As they say: If you fatten your dog, it will eat you, and if you starve it, it would chase you!” Then the wretched person said, “By Allah! When we return to Madinah, the most honourable will expel the meanest out of Madinah!”
He then turned to those who were present with him and said,“This is what you have done to yourselves.You have given them your land and your property! By Allah! If only you were to keep what you have instead of giving it to them,they would go to a different city!” This evil man continued to threaten and make promises, whilst those around him from the hypocrites showed their agreement and began to encourage him more.
In the same gathering, there was a small boy called Zayd bin Arqam. He went to the Prophet peace be upon himand told him the news.‘Umar bin al-Khattab at the time was sitting next to the Prophet peace be upon him. Upon hearing this he became enraged and said,“How dare this hypocrite speak about the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himin this despicable manner!”
‘Umar viewed that killing the viper is better than cutting off its tail. He saw that killing Ibn Salul would nip the discord in the bud. However, he should only be killed by a person from his own people, from the Ansaar, for that would have been safer than for him to be killed by a Muhajir. 

‘Umar said,“O Messenger of Allah! Order ‘Ubbad bin Bishr al-Ansari to kill him!”
However, the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him was wiser. He realised that they had just returned from a battle and the people were still carrying their weapons. People were overwhelmed. It was not appropriate to create more disorder.
The Prophet peace be upon him said, “What would we do, O ‘Umar, when people start saying that Muhammad kills his own Companions? No, O ‘Umar! Order the people to depart!”
The people had just stopped over and sat in the shade. How could the Prophet peace be upon himorder them to depart in the severe heat of the sun? It was never the habit of the Prophet peace be upon himto depart in severe heat. But the people departed, anyway. Meanwhile, it reached ‘Abdullah bin Salul that the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him had been informed by Zayd bin Arqam of what he heard from him. So he went to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himand began to swear by Allah that he didn’t say or speak a word. But the young boy belied him. Ibn Salul was the leader of his people and held in great esteem.
An Ansari said, “O Messenger of Allah! Perhaps the young boy misheard and does not remember what the man said.” They began to defend Ibn Salul, but the Prophet peace be upon himkept moving forward on his camel without paying attention to anyone.
Then one of the leaders of Ansar, Usayd bin Hudhyar came to the Prophet peace be upon him,greeted him and said,“O Messenger of Allah! By Allah you have decided to depart at a wrong time! You never set off in such conditions!”
The Prophet peace be upon himturned to him and said,“Has it not reached you what your Companion has said?” 
He said,“Which companion, O Messenger of Allah?”
The Prophet said,‘‘Abdullah bin Ubayy”.
“What did he say?” He asked.
The Prophet said,“He claims that when he returns to Madi
nah, the most honourable one would expel the meanest.”
Usayd upon hearing this became enraged and said, “In that case, you, O Messenger of Allah, would expel him if you like! He is, by Allah, the mean person and you are honourable!”
Then Usayd attempted to lighten the Prophet’s mood and said, “O Messenger of Allah! Be gentle with him. When Allah brought you to us, his people were decorating the pearls to crown him. He now sees that you have usurped his kingdom.”
The Prophet peace be upon himkept silent and carried on with the journey, whilst some people were still collecting their belongings and others were mounting their rides.The news began to spread until it became the subject of discussion amongst the entire army.
“Why are we setting off at this time? What did he say? How should we deal with him? Ibn Salul spoke the truth! No he lied!” were the rumours spreading among the people like Chinese whispers.
The army was left confused as they were on their way back from the battle. Moreover some hostile tribes lay in wait for them.The Prophet peace be upon himfelt that the army was about to divide, thus he decided to keep them busy with something else to divert their attention away from the crisis or argumentation, as they continued to inflame the matter and create trouble between the 
Muhajirin and the Ansar.The people began to wait for the moment they would stop over, get together and discuss the matter. Thus, the Prophet peace be upon himcontinued to march with the army for the whole day in the sun. He continued until the sun set and the people thought that now they would stop over to pray and rest. But the Prophet peace be upon himstopped over very briefly, during which they prayed and then moved on again.
They continued with their journey throughout the night until they reached the next morning. He stopped over to pray the Fajr prayer and ordered everyone to continue with the journey. They continued to walk the entire morning until they became exhausted and irritated by the sun.When the Prophet peace be upon himrealised that they were completely exhausted and tired such that they were unable to speak, he ordered them to stop over.They had only touched the ground when they all fell asleep.The Prophet peace be upon him had done this to divert their attention away from the crisis. He then woke them up and continued on the journey until they entered Madinah.The people dispersed and went to their families.
Allah then revealed Surat al-Munafiqoon:
“Those are they who say,‘spend not on those who are with the Messenger of Allah until they disperse! where as the treasures of the heavens and the earth are only for Allah, but the hypocrites understand not.They say,‘if we return to Madinah,the one most honourable will surely expel therefrom the one most mean, whereas the honour is for Allah, and His Messenger and the Muslims, but the hypocrites know not.”
The Prophet peace be upon himrecited the verses, then took the young boy, Zayd bin Arqam by his ears and said,“He is the one who fulfilled his trust to Allah by his ears.” 
The people then began to insult and blame Ibn Salul.At this point, the Prophet peace be upon himturned to ‘Umar and said,“Do you see,O ‘Umar? If I were to have killed him on the day you suggested, many would have come to his defence. If today you were to ask me to kill him, I would have killed him.” The Prophet peace be upon himthen remained silent and didn’t say anything further.
Sometimes, if a person makes a mistake publicly, then you may need to criticise him for it but in an appropriate manner, even if it be in public.
Once the Prophet peace be upon himwas sitting with his Companions, whilst the people were enduring famine, lack of rain and drought.There came a Bedouin and said, “‘O Messenger of Allah, people are being destroyed, the children are hungry, wealth has perished. So ask Allah to send us rain, for we seek your intercession with Allah, and Allah’s intercession with you!”
The Prophet’s facial expressions changed upon hearing the man say, “We seek Allah’s intercession with you!” for intercession and mediation is only sought of someone of a lower status with one of a higher status. Hence, it is not permissible to say, “Allah intercedes on behalf of His creation”. Rather, He orders them because He is far superior to all else.
The Prophet peace be upon him said, “Woe be to you! Do you know what you are saying?” The Prophet then began to glorify Allah and kept repeating, “SubhanAllah! SubhanAllah!” He continued to glorify Allah until the seriousness of the matter was noticed in the face of his Companions.
He then said, “Woe be to you! Allah’s intercession is not sought with any of His creation! Allah is far more Sublime than that! Woe be to you! Do you know Allah? His Throne is above His Heavens like such”, he said this while forming a dome-shape with his fingers, and said, “The Throne groans as a saddle does because of the rider.” (Abu Dawud) 
However, if a person makes a mistake in private, how should one deal with it?
Once, the Prophet peace be upon himcame to ‘A’ishah’s house – may Allah be pleased with her – to spend the night with her. He took his slippers and his upper garment off and lay down on his bed. He remained liked that until he thought that ‘A’ishah had fallen asleep.Thereupon, he got up from his bed, quietly wore his garment and slippers, calmly opened up the door and exited, gently shutting the door behind him.
When ‘A’ishah noticed this, she became jealous fearing that perhaps he had gone to his other wives. She got up, wore her upper garment and khimar and went out to follow his footsteps. She followed him without him realising.
The Prophet peace be upon him continued walking in the darkness of the night, until he reached al-Baqi’ graveyard. He stood there looking at the graves of his Companions, those who lived as worshippers, died as warriors and were gathered together underground in their graves.
The Prophet peace be upon him was gazing at their graves, recalling their memories. He then raised his hands and prayed for them. He then began to stare at the graves, and thereafter raised his hands and prayed for them once again.Thereafter, he stayed there for a while, and then raised his hands again praying for their forgiveness. 
He stayed there for a while, as ‘A’ishah watched him from far away, and then decided to turn around and return. When ‘A’ishah saw this, she also turned around to return home before she would be spotted by the Prophet peace be upon him.The Prophet peace be upon himbegan to walk fast, and so did ‘A’ishah.The Prophet peace be upon himhastened more as did she.The Prophet peace be upon himbegan to walk even faster, as did she, until she arrived home first, took off her upper garment and her khimar, returned to her bed and lay down, as if she were asleep, whilst she was still breathing heavily.The Prophet peace be upon himentered the house and heard her breathe heavily.
He said,“What is wrong with you,O ‘A’ishah? Why are you breathing so heavily?”
She replied,“Nothing!”
He said, “Tell me or the Subtle and the Aware will inform
me.”
She then told him the entire story; that she felt jealous over him and followed him to see where he went.
The Prophet peace be upon him said, “Are you the one I saw in front of
me?”
“Yes”, she said.
Upon hearing this, the Prophet peace be upon him pushed her in the chest
and said,“Did you think that Allah and His Messenger would deal unjustly with you?”
‘A’ishah said, “No matter how much people hide, will Allah know it?” 
He peace be upon him said,“Yes!”
He then explained to her the reason he left and said,“Jibril came to me when you saw me. He did not come in since you had taken off your garment.Thus he called me and he concealed it from you. I responded to his call, but I too concealed it from you. I thought that you had gone to sleep, and I did not like to awaken you, fearing that you may be frightened. He ordered me to go to those buried in al-Baqi and seek forgiveness for them.”
Yes! The Prophet peace be upon himwas easy going and gentle, such that he didn’t magnify the mistake.As a matter of fact,he often used to say to the people – as narrated by Muslim,“A believing man does not hate a believing woman.If he dislikes a trait in her,he likes another”; meaning, a man should not utterly hate his wife due to a particular trait or nature. Rather, one should overlook her faults in consideration of her virtues. Hence, when he sees a fault in her, he immediately remembers her virtues.When he witnesses something unsightly in her,he thinks of her beauty.He should try to be oblivious to those manners of hers which he dislikes.

Enlightenment…

The blame is not on the one who does not accept advice.
Rather, it is on the one who presents it inappropriately.


41- Run away from problems! 42- Admit your faults and do not be arrogant…

41- Run away from problems!

I think if he were to go for a medical examination in a hospital, he would have discovered ten different types of diseases in his body,the least serious of which would be high blood pressure and diabetes.
This poor person used to torture himself because he used to demand perfection from others.You would always find him frustrated with his wife,because she broke a new plate,forgot to clean the lounge or burnt his new garments with the iron.
As for his children, Khalid still hasn’t memorised his timetables, and Sa’d has not yet achieved an A grade. Sarah and Hind also have their own problems.This is his how he is at home.
As for with his friends, for even worse, he thinks to himself,“Abu ‘Abdullah intended me when he related the story of a stingy person! Yesterday,Abu Muhammad was talking about me when speaking about old cars. He was referring to my car! I know because he was looking at me.” Such thoughts occupy the mind of this poor person all the time.”
An old adage says,“Either the times obey you, or you obey the times.”
I remember that a Bedouin, from amongst my friends, used to repeat this maxim he had learnt from his grandfather whenever I would speak to him philosophically. He would take a deep breath and say,“O Shaykh! The hand you cannot twist,you must shake!” 
If you think about it, you will find that this saying is correct. For if we do not get used to tolerance and letting things go, or in other words, pretending not to notice and not drowning ourselves in what other people mean or think, we would find our lives very difficult.
The leader of a people is not the one who is foolish
The leader of a people is the one who pretends to be foolish
A young man once came to his Shaykh to ask his help in choosing a wife who would be his life-partner.
The Shaykh said, “What are the qualities you want in your wife?”
He replied, “She has to be good looking, tall, with lustrous hair and a beautiful scent. She should cook delicious food and talk sweetly. Someone when I look at her, she pleases me, and when I am away,she safeguards herself in my absence.She should not disobey me, and I shouldn’t have to fear her evil. She must also take pride in religion and enjoy wisdom.”
The man continued to mention all the good qualities in women that he would like to see in that one woman.When the Shaykh thought he had heard too much,he said to the man,“My son, I know a person who fits the description.”
He replied,“Where?” 

The Shaykh said,“In Paradise,with the permission of Allah.As for this world, then you must learn to be tolerant!”
Yes! You must learn to be tolerant in this world.Do not torture yourself by looking for problems and arguments, so one day you scream in the face of someone sitting next to you,“You are talking about me,aren’t you?” or to your son,“You want to upset me by being lazy!” or your wife,“You deliberately do not give the house due attention?”
The Prophet’s method in general was to be tolerant. That way he used to enjoy his life. Sometimes, he would go to his family in the morning, whilst feeling hungry. He would ask them,“Do you have anything to eat?”
They would say,“No.”
He would say,“In that case, I will fast.”
He didn’t use to cause problems due to that. He didn’t use to say,“Why don’t you cook something? Why don’t you tell me so I can buy it for you?” Rather,he would say,“In that case,I am fasting”, and that would be the end of the matter.
He would deal with everyone in a very tolerant fashion.
Kulthum bin al-Husayb was one of the best the Companions. He said, “I went out on the expedition of Tabuk with the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himand one night I was travelling with him through the valley of al-Akhdar.”
Kulthum then mentioned the rest of the story where they walked for quite long, until sleep began to overcome him, and as they rode, his camel kept getting closer to the Prophet’s camel. Upon noticing, he would suddenly wake up and pull his camel 
away fearing his camel’s saddle may brush against the Prophet’s foot.At one point,he was overcome by sleep,and his camel collided into the Prophet’s camel,and his saddle brushed against the Prophet’s foot. The Prophet peace be upon him felt the pain and let out a sigh. Kulthum woke up upon hearing the sigh and became embarrassed and said,“O Messenger of Allah! Ask Allah for my forgiveness!”
The Prophet peace be upon him demonstrated tolerance and said, “Carry on… Carry on…”
Yes, this was all he said. He didn’t turn it into a scene, saying “Why did you collide into me? The path is spacious! Why are you riding next to me, anyway?” No. He did not trouble himself. It was just a hit on the leg, and that was it.
This was always his way of dealing with things.
Once he was sitting with his Companions and there came a woman with a cloak.
She said, “O Messenger of Allah! I wove it by my hands for you to wear.”
The Prophet peace be upon himtook it, as he was in need of it. He got up, left for his house, wore it as a lower garment and came out to his Companions.
A man from amongst the people said,“O Messenger of Allah! Please, allow me to wear it!”
The Prophet peace be upon him said, “Certainly,” and instantly returned home, took it off and folded it up, wore his old lower garment and sent the new one to the man.
The people said to the man, “What you did was not right! 
You asked him for it, knowing that he never refuses whoever asks him for anything!” 
The man said,“By Allah,I did not ask him except that it should be my burial shroud the day I die.” 
When the man died, his family shrouded him in that garment. (al-Bukhari) 
How beautifully were people affected by this treatment! 
Once, the Prophet peace be upon him led his Companions in ‘Isha prayer. Meanwhile, two children entered the mosque, al-Hasan and al-Husayn,the two sons of Fatimah.They headed straight for their grandfather, the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him while he was praying. Whenever he prostrated,al-Hasan and al-Husayn would jump on his back.When he wanted to raise his head,he would gently grab them,take them off his back and make them both sit next to him. When he returned to prostrate, they would jump back on his back.When he finished his prayer, he took them both gently and sat them on his thigh.Abu Hurayrah – may Allah be pleased with him – then got up and said,“O Messenger of Allah! Shall I take them back?” meaning, shall I return them to their mother? But the Prophet peace be upon himwas in no hurry to return them. He remained for a while until he saw lightning and heard thunder from the sky. He then said to them both,“Go back to your mother.” The two children then left and went back to their mother. (Narrated by Ahmad.Al-Haythami said,‘the narrators are trustworthy’) 
On a different occasion, the Prophet peace be upon him went out with his Companions to either pray Dhuhr or ‘Asr, while he was holding al-Hasan or al-Husayn. He walked to the place of prayer, sat the child down and initiated the prayer by saying the Takbeer.When

the Prophet peace be upon himfell into prostration, he stayed there longer than usual such that the Companions thought that perhaps something might have happened to him. He then raised his head from prostration.
After the prayer was concluded, his Companions asked him, “O Messenger of Allah! In this prayer you prostrated the way you never have before. Is there anything you were ordered with by Allah? Or were you receiving revelation?”
The Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“It was none of that.But my son was riding on my back and I disliked that I should take him off so quickly, so I waited until he had finished.” (al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak, classified Sahih)
He once visited Umm Hani bint Abi Talib – may Allah be pleased with her – whilst he was hungry.
He said,“Do you have any food I can eat?”
She replied, “Nothing but dry bread, and I am too embarrassed to give it to you.”
He said,“Bring it.”
She brought it, broke it into pieces in water, and brought some salt and spread it all over it.The Prophet peace be upon himbegan to eat this bread soaked with water. He then turned to Umm Hani and said,“Do you have anything to be eaten with bread?”
She said,“I do not have anything, O Messenger of Allah, except some vinegar.”
He said,“Bring it.”
She brought it and poured it over his food, and the Prophet peace be upon him ate from it. He then thanked Allah and said, “How good is vinegar with bread!” 
Yes, he used to live his life as it was, and accepted the reality as it was.
On his journey to Hajj, the Prophet peace be upon himset out with his Companions and stopped over somewhere. The Prophet peace be upon him went away to relieve himself, then came to a pool of water to make ablution from after which he got up and prayed.
There came Jabir bin ‘Abdullah – may Allah be pleased with him – and he stood to the left of the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him, said the Takbeer and initiated his prayer with him. Thereupon, the Prophet peace be upon him took him by his hand and gently moved him to his right, and they both continued with the prayer.
There also came Jabbar bin Sakhr – may Allah be pleased with him. He made ablution, and stood to the left of the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him.The Prophet peace be upon himtook the two by their hands gently and pushed them slightly back until they were praying behind him. (al-Bukhari)
One day, whilst the Prophet peace be upon himwas sitting down, there came to him Umm Qays bint Muhsin with her newborn in order that the Prophet would chew some date and rub therewith the soft palate of the child for blessings (Tahnik), and pray for him.
The Prophet peace be upon himtook him and placed him on his lap. It was not long before the baby urinated in the lap of the Prophet peace be upon him and made his garment wet.All the Prophet did then was to call for some water and spray over the affected area of his garment, and that was the end of the matter. (al-Bukhari) 
He did not become angry or frown. So why should we torture ourselves by making a mountain out of a molehill? Not everything that happens to you must be to your liking 100%.
Some people cannot control their nerves and magnify the situation, including some parents and teachers.
Do not search for hidden faults. Be open to accept others’ excuses,especially those who make excuses in order to preserve their good relations with you, and not for some personal gain.
Look at the Prophet peace be upon him! He climbed the pulpit one day, and addressed his Companions in such a loud voice that even the young women were able to hear him inside their homes!
Do you know what he said in the sermon?
He said, “O you who have believed with your tongues, yet faith has not entered your hearts! Do not backbite the Muslims! Do not search for their faults! For the one who searches for the faults of his brother,Allah seeks out his faults.And whoever Allah seeks out the faults of, He exposes him, even if he is hidden away in the depths of his house!” (al-Tirmidhi, Hasan)
Yes, you should not hunt for mistakes and seek out faults. Be tolerant. The Prophet peace be upon him was always very eager not to initiate problems.
Once in a serene gathering of the Prophet peace be upon himwith his Companions, where souls were purified and hearts were made tranquil, he said to his Companions,“Let not one of you convey to me something bad about one of my Companions, for I love to meet you all with a clean heart.” 

Do not torture yourself…

Do not gather dust upon yourself when the dust is settled…
But when the dust has risen, then cover your nose with your sleeve and continue to enjoy your life…


42- Admit your faults and do not be arrogant…

Many problems that cause enmity to continue for a year or two years, or perhaps for life, can easily be solved by one person saying to another,“I made a mistake. I am sorry.”
“Yes, I did not make it to the appointment.”
“Yes, I made a bad joke.”
“Yes, I said hurtful things.”
Be quick to put out the fire before it is set ablaze.Say,“I am
sorry. I owe you an apology.” You would only feel better after apologising.
There occurred an argument between Abu Dharr and Bilal
– may Allah be pleased with them both – and even though they were both Companions of the Prophet peace be upon him, they were still human.
During the argument,Abu Dharr became angry and said to Bilal,“O son of a black woman!” Thereupon,Bilal complained to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him.The Prophet peace be upon himcalled Abu Dharr and said,“Did you insult Bilal?”

He replied,“Yes.”
The Prophet peace be upon him said,“Did you mention his mother?”


He replied,“When someone is insulted,usually his father and mother are also mentioned, O Messenger of Allah!”
The Prophet peace be upon him replied, “You are a man with traits of pre-Islamic ignorance.”
He asked,“Even when I am this old?”
The Prophet peace be upon him replied,“Yes.”
The Prophet peace be upon him then taught him the manner in which he should deal with those who may be seen as below his social status, saying,“They are only your brothers.Allah has placed them in your care.And whoever Allah places in one’s care then let him feed him with what he eats himself, clothe him with what he clothes himself. Let him not overburden him with that which he cannot bear. And if he does overburden him, then let him lend him a hand.”
What did Abu Dharr do then?
Abu Dharr went to see Bilal and apologised. He sat on the ground in front of Bilal and he became closer to the ground until he rested his cheek on the dust, and said,“O Bilal! Put your foot on my cheek!” (Muslim)
This is how eager the Companions were to set out the flames of enmity before they became strong, and even if they became strong, they would do their best to prevent them from spreading.
A disagreement took place between Abu Bakr and ‘Umar, where Abu Bakr made ‘Umar angry.‘Umar went away from Abu Bakr in a state of anger.When Abu Bakr saw this, he regretted it and feared that the situation may exacerbate.Thus he went after 

‘Umar saying,“Forgive me,O ‘Umar!” But ‘Umar refused to turn to him.
Abu Bakr kept apologising and following ‘Umar until he reached his home and shut the door in Abu Bakr’s face. Upon this, Abu Bakr went to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him. When the Prophet peace be upon himsaw him coming from afar, he noticed something different about him and said,“This Companion of ours seems to be in trouble.”
Abu Bakr sat down quietly,and it wasn’t long until ‘Umar also regretted his mistake. May Allah be pleased with them all! How pure were their hearts!
‘Umar headed to the Prophet’s gathering, greeted everyone and sat down next to the Prophet peace be upon him and told him the story, along with how he turned away from Abu Bakr and did not accept his apology.
The Messenger of Allah peace be upon him became angry. When Abu Bakr saw his anger, he began to say,“By Allah, O Messenger of Allah! This is only because I was the wrongdoer.I was the wrongdoer!” He began to defend and make excuses for ‘Umar.
The Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“Will you leave my Companion alone? Will you leave my Companion alone? When I said,‘O people! I am the Messenger of Allah to you all’,all of you said,‘You have lied!’ yet Abu Bakr said,‘You have spoken the truth!’” (al-Bukhari)
Be careful not to be from those who rectify others while corrupting their own souls. Such people go around in circles with their faults like a donkey going around a mill.
Hence, if you ever are in a position to advise others or be an example to them, such as a teacher with his students, a father or a mother with his or her children, then think as if you are under the watch of your customers. Everyone is monitoring you. Always discipline yourself as much as possible.The same applies to a couple dealing with each other. 
Once,‘Umar – may Allah be pleased with him – distributed clothes to people. Everyone received a piece of cloth that would have sufficed him either as an upper or lower garment. ‘Umar then stood up to address the people on Friday, and said in the beginning,“Surely,Allah has ordered you to hear and obey…”
As he said that, there rose a man from amongst the people and said,“There is no hearing, nor obedience!”
‘Umar said,“Why is that?”
He replied,“Because you gave us all one garment each, while you yourself wear two new garments!” meaning, your upper and lower garment, as we can notice they are new.
‘Umar then turned to the congregation as though looking for someone, until he found his son ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar. He said, “Stand up, O ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar!” He stood up.
He said,“Did you not give me your garment so I may deliver my address to the people therein?”
He replied,“Yes.”
Then the man sat down and said,“Now we shall hear and we shall obey.” and that was the end of the matter.
Although I agree that the manner in which the man objected to ‘Umar was inappropriate, our amazement is over ‘Umar’s ability to understand the situation and extinguish the flames of trouble. 
Lastly, if you would like others to accept your comments or advice, no matter who they may be, your wife, son or your sister, then be receptive to advice yourself without being arrogant.
A man is always saying to his wife,“Look after the children better… Cook good food… How long have I been telling you to sort out the bedroom?” She would always respond gently, “Alright,Allah willing, I will do as you say.”
One day she suggests piece of advice for him, “The children are having their exams nowadays and they need you to be present, so please don’t be late if you go out with your friends.”
The man merely hears these words and shouts at her,“I don’t have time for them! And whether or not I am late, what has that got to do with you? This is none of your business!”
Tell me, in the name of Allah, why you expect her to accept your advice after this?
And lastly, the clever person is the one who seals the holes in his wall so the people are not able to glance inside. Meaning, do not give people the opportunity to doubt you.
I recall that once a Da‘wah organisation invited a group of preachers to deliver lectures in Albania.The president of all the Albanian Da‘wah centres was also present. We looked at him and noticed that he did not have a single strand of hair on his cheek! We looked at each other in amazement,for it is common for a preacher to abide by the practices of the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himby growing his beard, even if it is light. How can a leader of preachers be clean-shaven? 
When the conference started, he said to us jokingly, “Dear all! I am naturally beardless. My beard simply does not grow. Do not arrange a whole lecture about me after we have finished!” We smiled and thanked him.
If you will, let us travel back in time to Madinah and look at the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himwhile he was making I‘tikaaf in his mosque in one of the nights of Ramadan.There came his wife, Safiyyah bint Huyay, to visit him and stayed with him for a while. She then rose to go back to her house.The Prophet peace be upon himdid not like for her to go back home in the darkness of the night, so he decided to go with her. He walked some of the way with her until two men from the Ansaar passed by him.
When they saw the Prophet peace be upon himwith a woman they began to walk fast. Upon seeing this, the Prophet peace be upon him said to them, “Take your time! She is only Safiyyah bint Huyay.”
They said, “SubhanAllah!” meaning, does it make sense that we should assume that you are walking with a strange woman?
The Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“Indeed, the devil flows through the human being like blood in the veins. I feared that he may place evil in your hearts, or may whisper something to you…” (al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Bravery…

Bravery is not to persist in your errors, but to acknowledge that you are wrong, and not to repeat the error again.