41- Run away from problems!
I think if he were to go for a medical examination in a hospital, he would have discovered ten different types of diseases in his body,the least serious of which would be high blood pressure and diabetes.
This poor person used to torture himself because he used to demand perfection from others.You would always find him frustrated with his wife,because she broke a new plate,forgot to clean the lounge or burnt his new garments with the iron.
As for his children, Khalid still hasn’t memorised his timetables, and Sa’d has not yet achieved an A grade. Sarah and Hind also have their own problems.This is his how he is at home.
As for with his friends, for even worse, he thinks to himself,“Abu ‘Abdullah intended me when he related the story of a stingy person! Yesterday,Abu Muhammad was talking about me when speaking about old cars. He was referring to my car! I know because he was looking at me.” Such thoughts occupy the mind of this poor person all the time.”
An old adage says,“Either the times obey you, or you obey the times.”
I remember that a Bedouin, from amongst my friends, used to repeat this maxim he had learnt from his grandfather whenever I would speak to him philosophically. He would take a deep breath and say,“O Shaykh! The hand you cannot twist,you must shake!”
If you think about it, you will find that this saying is correct. For if we do not get used to tolerance and letting things go, or in other words, pretending not to notice and not drowning ourselves in what other people mean or think, we would find our lives very difficult.
The leader of a people is not the one who is foolish
The leader of a people is the one who pretends to be foolish
A young man once came to his Shaykh to ask his help in choosing a wife who would be his life-partner.
The Shaykh said, “What are the qualities you want in your wife?”
He replied, “She has to be good looking, tall, with lustrous hair and a beautiful scent. She should cook delicious food and talk sweetly. Someone when I look at her, she pleases me, and when I am away,she safeguards herself in my absence.She should not disobey me, and I shouldn’t have to fear her evil. She must also take pride in religion and enjoy wisdom.”
The man continued to mention all the good qualities in women that he would like to see in that one woman.When the Shaykh thought he had heard too much,he said to the man,“My son, I know a person who fits the description.”
He replied,“Where?”
The Shaykh said,“In Paradise,with the permission of Allah.As for this world, then you must learn to be tolerant!”
Yes! You must learn to be tolerant in this world.Do not torture yourself by looking for problems and arguments, so one day you scream in the face of someone sitting next to you,“You are talking about me,aren’t you?” or to your son,“You want to upset me by being lazy!” or your wife,“You deliberately do not give the house due attention?”
The Prophet’s method in general was to be tolerant. That way he used to enjoy his life. Sometimes, he would go to his family in the morning, whilst feeling hungry. He would ask them,“Do you have anything to eat?”
They would say,“No.”
He would say,“In that case, I will fast.”
He didn’t use to cause problems due to that. He didn’t use to say,“Why don’t you cook something? Why don’t you tell me so I can buy it for you?” Rather,he would say,“In that case,I am fasting”, and that would be the end of the matter.
He would deal with everyone in a very tolerant fashion.
Kulthum bin al-Husayb was one of the best the Companions. He said, “I went out on the expedition of Tabuk with the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himand one night I was travelling with him through the valley of al-Akhdar.”
Kulthum then mentioned the rest of the story where they walked for quite long, until sleep began to overcome him, and as they rode, his camel kept getting closer to the Prophet’s camel. Upon noticing, he would suddenly wake up and pull his camel
away fearing his camel’s saddle may brush against the Prophet’s foot.At one point,he was overcome by sleep,and his camel collided into the Prophet’s camel,and his saddle brushed against the Prophet’s foot. The Prophet peace be upon him felt the pain and let out a sigh. Kulthum woke up upon hearing the sigh and became embarrassed and said,“O Messenger of Allah! Ask Allah for my forgiveness!”
The Prophet peace be upon him demonstrated tolerance and said, “Carry on… Carry on…”
Yes, this was all he said. He didn’t turn it into a scene, saying “Why did you collide into me? The path is spacious! Why are you riding next to me, anyway?” No. He did not trouble himself. It was just a hit on the leg, and that was it.
This was always his way of dealing with things.
Once he was sitting with his Companions and there came a woman with a cloak.
She said, “O Messenger of Allah! I wove it by my hands for you to wear.”
The Prophet peace be upon himtook it, as he was in need of it. He got up, left for his house, wore it as a lower garment and came out to his Companions.
A man from amongst the people said,“O Messenger of Allah! Please, allow me to wear it!”
The Prophet peace be upon him said, “Certainly,” and instantly returned home, took it off and folded it up, wore his old lower garment and sent the new one to the man.
The people said to the man, “What you did was not right!
You asked him for it, knowing that he never refuses whoever asks him for anything!”
The man said,“By Allah,I did not ask him except that it should be my burial shroud the day I die.”
When the man died, his family shrouded him in that garment. (al-Bukhari)
How beautifully were people affected by this treatment!
Once, the Prophet peace be upon him led his Companions in ‘Isha prayer. Meanwhile, two children entered the mosque, al-Hasan and al-Husayn,the two sons of Fatimah.They headed straight for their grandfather, the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him while he was praying. Whenever he prostrated,al-Hasan and al-Husayn would jump on his back.When he wanted to raise his head,he would gently grab them,take them off his back and make them both sit next to him. When he returned to prostrate, they would jump back on his back.When he finished his prayer, he took them both gently and sat them on his thigh.Abu Hurayrah – may Allah be pleased with him – then got up and said,“O Messenger of Allah! Shall I take them back?” meaning, shall I return them to their mother? But the Prophet peace be upon himwas in no hurry to return them. He remained for a while until he saw lightning and heard thunder from the sky. He then said to them both,“Go back to your mother.” The two children then left and went back to their mother. (Narrated by Ahmad.Al-Haythami said,‘the narrators are trustworthy’)
On a different occasion, the Prophet peace be upon him went out with his Companions to either pray Dhuhr or ‘Asr, while he was holding al-Hasan or al-Husayn. He walked to the place of prayer, sat the child down and initiated the prayer by saying the Takbeer.When
the Prophet peace be upon himfell into prostration, he stayed there longer than usual such that the Companions thought that perhaps something might have happened to him. He then raised his head from prostration.
After the prayer was concluded, his Companions asked him, “O Messenger of Allah! In this prayer you prostrated the way you never have before. Is there anything you were ordered with by Allah? Or were you receiving revelation?”
The Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“It was none of that.But my son was riding on my back and I disliked that I should take him off so quickly, so I waited until he had finished.” (al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak, classified Sahih)
He once visited Umm Hani bint Abi Talib – may Allah be pleased with her – whilst he was hungry.
He said,“Do you have any food I can eat?”
She replied, “Nothing but dry bread, and I am too embarrassed to give it to you.”
He said,“Bring it.”
She brought it, broke it into pieces in water, and brought some salt and spread it all over it.The Prophet peace be upon himbegan to eat this bread soaked with water. He then turned to Umm Hani and said,“Do you have anything to be eaten with bread?”
She said,“I do not have anything, O Messenger of Allah, except some vinegar.”
He said,“Bring it.”
She brought it and poured it over his food, and the Prophet peace be upon him ate from it. He then thanked Allah and said, “How good is vinegar with bread!”
Yes, he used to live his life as it was, and accepted the reality as it was.
On his journey to Hajj, the Prophet peace be upon himset out with his Companions and stopped over somewhere. The Prophet peace be upon him went away to relieve himself, then came to a pool of water to make ablution from after which he got up and prayed.
There came Jabir bin ‘Abdullah – may Allah be pleased with him – and he stood to the left of the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him, said the Takbeer and initiated his prayer with him. Thereupon, the Prophet peace be upon him took him by his hand and gently moved him to his right, and they both continued with the prayer.
There also came Jabbar bin Sakhr – may Allah be pleased with him. He made ablution, and stood to the left of the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him.The Prophet peace be upon himtook the two by their hands gently and pushed them slightly back until they were praying behind him. (al-Bukhari)
One day, whilst the Prophet peace be upon himwas sitting down, there came to him Umm Qays bint Muhsin with her newborn in order that the Prophet would chew some date and rub therewith the soft palate of the child for blessings (Tahnik), and pray for him.
The Prophet peace be upon himtook him and placed him on his lap. It was not long before the baby urinated in the lap of the Prophet peace be upon him and made his garment wet.All the Prophet did then was to call for some water and spray over the affected area of his garment, and that was the end of the matter. (al-Bukhari)
He did not become angry or frown. So why should we torture ourselves by making a mountain out of a molehill? Not everything that happens to you must be to your liking 100%.
Some people cannot control their nerves and magnify the situation, including some parents and teachers.
Do not search for hidden faults. Be open to accept others’ excuses,especially those who make excuses in order to preserve their good relations with you, and not for some personal gain.
Look at the Prophet peace be upon him! He climbed the pulpit one day, and addressed his Companions in such a loud voice that even the young women were able to hear him inside their homes!
Do you know what he said in the sermon?
He said, “O you who have believed with your tongues, yet faith has not entered your hearts! Do not backbite the Muslims! Do not search for their faults! For the one who searches for the faults of his brother,Allah seeks out his faults.And whoever Allah seeks out the faults of, He exposes him, even if he is hidden away in the depths of his house!” (al-Tirmidhi, Hasan)
Yes, you should not hunt for mistakes and seek out faults. Be tolerant. The Prophet peace be upon him was always very eager not to initiate problems.
Once in a serene gathering of the Prophet peace be upon himwith his Companions, where souls were purified and hearts were made tranquil, he said to his Companions,“Let not one of you convey to me something bad about one of my Companions, for I love to meet you all with a clean heart.”
Do not torture yourself…
Do not gather dust upon yourself when the dust is settled…
But when the dust has risen, then cover your nose with your sleeve and continue to enjoy your life…
42- Admit your faults and do not be arrogant…
Many problems that cause enmity to continue for a year or two years, or perhaps for life, can easily be solved by one person saying to another,“I made a mistake. I am sorry.”
“Yes, I did not make it to the appointment.”
“Yes, I made a bad joke.”
“Yes, I said hurtful things.”
Be quick to put out the fire before it is set ablaze.Say,“I am
sorry. I owe you an apology.” You would only feel better after apologising.
There occurred an argument between Abu Dharr and Bilal
– may Allah be pleased with them both – and even though they were both Companions of the Prophet peace be upon him, they were still human.
During the argument,Abu Dharr became angry and said to Bilal,“O son of a black woman!” Thereupon,Bilal complained to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him.The Prophet peace be upon himcalled Abu Dharr and said,“Did you insult Bilal?”
He replied,“Yes.”
The Prophet peace be upon him said,“Did you mention his mother?”
He replied,“When someone is insulted,usually his father and mother are also mentioned, O Messenger of Allah!”
The Prophet peace be upon him replied, “You are a man with traits of pre-Islamic ignorance.”
He asked,“Even when I am this old?”
The Prophet peace be upon him replied,“Yes.”
The Prophet peace be upon him then taught him the manner in which he should deal with those who may be seen as below his social status, saying,“They are only your brothers.Allah has placed them in your care.And whoever Allah places in one’s care then let him feed him with what he eats himself, clothe him with what he clothes himself. Let him not overburden him with that which he cannot bear. And if he does overburden him, then let him lend him a hand.”
What did Abu Dharr do then?
Abu Dharr went to see Bilal and apologised. He sat on the ground in front of Bilal and he became closer to the ground until he rested his cheek on the dust, and said,“O Bilal! Put your foot on my cheek!” (Muslim)
This is how eager the Companions were to set out the flames of enmity before they became strong, and even if they became strong, they would do their best to prevent them from spreading.
A disagreement took place between Abu Bakr and ‘Umar, where Abu Bakr made ‘Umar angry.‘Umar went away from Abu Bakr in a state of anger.When Abu Bakr saw this, he regretted it and feared that the situation may exacerbate.Thus he went after
‘Umar saying,“Forgive me,O ‘Umar!” But ‘Umar refused to turn to him.
Abu Bakr kept apologising and following ‘Umar until he reached his home and shut the door in Abu Bakr’s face. Upon this, Abu Bakr went to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him. When the Prophet peace be upon himsaw him coming from afar, he noticed something different about him and said,“This Companion of ours seems to be in trouble.”
Abu Bakr sat down quietly,and it wasn’t long until ‘Umar also regretted his mistake. May Allah be pleased with them all! How pure were their hearts!
‘Umar headed to the Prophet’s gathering, greeted everyone and sat down next to the Prophet peace be upon him and told him the story, along with how he turned away from Abu Bakr and did not accept his apology.
The Messenger of Allah peace be upon him became angry. When Abu Bakr saw his anger, he began to say,“By Allah, O Messenger of Allah! This is only because I was the wrongdoer.I was the wrongdoer!” He began to defend and make excuses for ‘Umar.
The Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“Will you leave my Companion alone? Will you leave my Companion alone? When I said,‘O people! I am the Messenger of Allah to you all’,all of you said,‘You have lied!’ yet Abu Bakr said,‘You have spoken the truth!’” (al-Bukhari)
Be careful not to be from those who rectify others while corrupting their own souls. Such people go around in circles with their faults like a donkey going around a mill.
Hence, if you ever are in a position to advise others or be an example to them, such as a teacher with his students, a father or a mother with his or her children, then think as if you are under the watch of your customers. Everyone is monitoring you. Always discipline yourself as much as possible.The same applies to a couple dealing with each other.
Once,‘Umar – may Allah be pleased with him – distributed clothes to people. Everyone received a piece of cloth that would have sufficed him either as an upper or lower garment. ‘Umar then stood up to address the people on Friday, and said in the beginning,“Surely,Allah has ordered you to hear and obey…”
As he said that, there rose a man from amongst the people and said,“There is no hearing, nor obedience!”
‘Umar said,“Why is that?”
He replied,“Because you gave us all one garment each, while you yourself wear two new garments!” meaning, your upper and lower garment, as we can notice they are new.
‘Umar then turned to the congregation as though looking for someone, until he found his son ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar. He said, “Stand up, O ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar!” He stood up.
He said,“Did you not give me your garment so I may deliver my address to the people therein?”
He replied,“Yes.”
Then the man sat down and said,“Now we shall hear and we shall obey.” and that was the end of the matter.
Although I agree that the manner in which the man objected to ‘Umar was inappropriate, our amazement is over ‘Umar’s ability to understand the situation and extinguish the flames of trouble.
Lastly, if you would like others to accept your comments or advice, no matter who they may be, your wife, son or your sister, then be receptive to advice yourself without being arrogant.
A man is always saying to his wife,“Look after the children better… Cook good food… How long have I been telling you to sort out the bedroom?” She would always respond gently, “Alright,Allah willing, I will do as you say.”
One day she suggests piece of advice for him, “The children are having their exams nowadays and they need you to be present, so please don’t be late if you go out with your friends.”
The man merely hears these words and shouts at her,“I don’t have time for them! And whether or not I am late, what has that got to do with you? This is none of your business!”
Tell me, in the name of Allah, why you expect her to accept your advice after this?
And lastly, the clever person is the one who seals the holes in his wall so the people are not able to glance inside. Meaning, do not give people the opportunity to doubt you.
I recall that once a Da‘wah organisation invited a group of preachers to deliver lectures in Albania.The president of all the Albanian Da‘wah centres was also present. We looked at him and noticed that he did not have a single strand of hair on his cheek! We looked at each other in amazement,for it is common for a preacher to abide by the practices of the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himby growing his beard, even if it is light. How can a leader of preachers be clean-shaven?
When the conference started, he said to us jokingly, “Dear all! I am naturally beardless. My beard simply does not grow. Do not arrange a whole lecture about me after we have finished!” We smiled and thanked him.
If you will, let us travel back in time to Madinah and look at the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himwhile he was making I‘tikaaf in his mosque in one of the nights of Ramadan.There came his wife, Safiyyah bint Huyay, to visit him and stayed with him for a while. She then rose to go back to her house.The Prophet peace be upon himdid not like for her to go back home in the darkness of the night, so he decided to go with her. He walked some of the way with her until two men from the Ansaar passed by him.
When they saw the Prophet peace be upon himwith a woman they began to walk fast. Upon seeing this, the Prophet peace be upon him said to them, “Take your time! She is only Safiyyah bint Huyay.”
They said, “SubhanAllah!” meaning, does it make sense that we should assume that you are walking with a strange woman?
The Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“Indeed, the devil flows through the human being like blood in the veins. I feared that he may place evil in your hearts, or may whisper something to you…” (al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Bravery…
Bravery is not to persist in your errors, but to acknowledge that you are wrong, and not to repeat the error again.
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