39- Verify the fault before criticising 40- Whip me gently!

39- Verify the fault before criticising

It was clear by the tone of his voice when he rang me that he was angry, but he was trying his best to conceal his anger.This was not the tone I was used to hear from Fahd. I noticed that he was holding something against me.

He began to talk about the many trials people have to face nowadays. Then his tone became harsher and he began to repeat,“You are a preacher, a student of knowledge, and your actions will be accounted for…”

I said to him, “Dear Abu ‘Abdullah, would you like to speak about the issue upfront?”

He said, “Well, you gave a lecture at such-and-such a place where you said, such and such.”

I became amazed and asked,“When was this?”

“About three weeks ago”, he answered.

I said,“I have not been to that area for about a year.”

He said,“No, you have! And you spoke about this!”

It then became clear to me that my friend heard a rumour and he believed it, and on that basis he formulated his advice, his stance and his words.No doubt I still love him but my respect for him has decreased, because I discovered that he is too hasty. 

How many are those who draw a conclusion or form views based on a rumour they may hear! Many of them come to advise you only to discover that they were following hearsay. Many of them allow these rumours to become imprinted in their hearts and on that basis they paint a picture of you, which happens to be false.

Sometimes it becomes widespread that so-and-so did such-and-such. In order to preserve the respect he has for you, verify the news before speaking to him, and this was the methodology of the Prophet peace be upon him.

A man came to the Prophet peace be upon him and the Prophet looked at him only to notice a man in a shabby state, his hair covered in dust. The Prophet peace be upon him wanted to advise him to improve his appearance, but he feared that the person might be a pauper who

had no money.

So he asked him,“Do you have any wealth?”

The man said,“Yes, I do.”

The Prophet said,“What sort of wealth?”

The man said,“All sorts of wealth: camels, slaves, horses, cat

tle, etc.”

The Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“If Allah has given you wealth, then let it be shown on your person.”

Then he said, “Does your camel give birth to young ones with sound ears, but you get hold of a blade and cut off the ears and call it Baheerah? And do you cut a bit of it, or cut its skin and call it Sarm, thereby making it forbidden for yourselves and your family?” 

The man said,“Yes.”

The Prophet peace be upon him replied, “Verily, what Allah has given you is Halaal.Allah’s blade is the sharpest!” (al-Hakim who declared it Sahih)

In the Year of Delegations,some envoys came to the Prophet peace be upon himhaving accepted Islam to give the pledge of allegiance to him, whilst others came to him as disbelievers in order to accept Islam or to make pacts. One day, as the Prophet peace be upon himsat amongst his Companions, there came a delegation from al-Sadif.There were about ten of them.They headed for the Prophet’s gathering and sat down without giving salutations.

The Prophet asked them,“Are you Muslims?”

They said,“Yes”.

The Prophet said,“Why did you not give salutations?”

They stood up and said, “Peace from Allah be upon you, O

Prophet, and His mercy and blessings!”

He replied, “Peace be to you, too! Please be seated!” They then sat down and asked him about the prayer times.

During ‘Umar’s era, Islamic lands had expanded, so he appointed Sa’d bin Abi Waqqas as an Amir over Kufa.The people of Kufa at the time were wreaking havoc against their leaders.A group of them sent a letter to ‘Umar – may Allah be pleased with him – complaining about Sa’d. In the letter they mentioned many faults, even claiming that he did not pray well!

When ‘Umar read the letter, he did not hastily make a decision or write a letter of advice. Instead, he sent Muhammad bin Maslamah to Kufa with a letter for Sa’d. He also ordered him to accompany Sa’d and to ask the people about his dealings. 

Muhammad bin Maslamah arrived in Kufa and informed Sa’d of the news. He then began to pray in the various mosques with Sa’d and started to ask the people about his dealings.

He did not leave a mosque except that he asked about Sa’d, and the people never mentioned him with anything but good. This was the case until they entered one of the mosques of Banu ‘Abs, where Muhammad bin Maslamah stood up and asked the people about their leader, Sa’d.They all spoke in praise of him.

Muhammad then said,“I ask you in the name of Allah, do you know anything else about him?”

They said,“No, we do not know anything but good.”

When Muhammad repeated the question, there rose a man at the end of the mosque. His name was Usamah bin Qatadah. He said,“If you have asked us in the name of Allah,then listen to what I have to say. Sa’d neither treats us fairly, nor is he just in disputations.”

Sa’d became surprised and said,“Am I like this?!”

The man said,“Yes.”

Sa’d then said, “By Allah, I pray to Allah for three things. O Allah,if this servant of Yours is a liar,and he has only stood up to show off, then prolong his life, extend his poverty, and give him tribulations in life!”

Then Sa’d left the mosque and headed towards the city, and after several years he passed away. But as for the man, the prayer of Sa’d never left him. He became aged, his bones became weak and his back became crooked. His life became so long that he tired of it.His poverty became so severe that he would sit on the streets, begging people for money. His eyebrows hung over his eyes due to old age.Whenever women passed by him, he would stretch out his hands to harass them. As a result, people used to scream at him and insult him, to which he would respond by saying, “What else can I do? I am a trial-stricken old man, who has been afflicted with the prayer of a righteous man, Sa’d bin Abi Waqqas.”  

Hadith…

It is a bad premise for a man to make assertions.

It is enough of a sin for a person to speak whatever he hears. 

40- Whip me gently!

What has preceded does not mean that we should not criticise at all. Often it is required to criticise others, including your son, wife or friend. It is, however, possible to delay your criticisms slightly or to use subtle tactics. Let him retain some of his honour.

After the Prophet peace be upon himconquered Makkah, he became well-respected amongst the Arabs,and people began to enter into Islam in multitudes.The Prophet peace be upon himthen decided to lead an expedition to Hunayn.The pagan army arrived in its best form and began to line up.The horses lined up first, then the foot soldiers, then the women, then the cattle followed by grazing livestock.The Muslims were great in number that day; twelve thousand altogether. The pagans had reached the valley of Hunayn before the Muslims and managed to conceal some of their units in both sides of the valley behind rocks.

When the battle started, the Muslim troops began to enter the valley and as they did, the disbelievers started to attack them from all angles with stones and arrows.The people became confused and the Muslim horsemen  began to retreat.The first people to flee from the battle were the Bedouins.The disbelievers gained an upper hand and prevailed. 

The Prophet peace be upon him turned around and saw the troops fleeing, blood flowing, and horses colliding into each other. He ordered ‘Abbas to call out,“O Muhajirun! O Ansaar!” Upon hearing the call, they returned and the Prophet peace be upon him managed to stand his ground with eighty or a hundred men, until Allah gave them victory and the battle came to an end.

When the war booty was collected and brought to the Prophet peace be upon him, those who fled from the battle in fear of spears and arrows were the first ones to come to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himwanting a share of the booty.The Bedouins persistedly demanded of the Prophet peace be upon him saying, “Give us our share of the booty! Give us our share of the booty!”

How strange! Your share of the booty? Since when do you have a share in it if you did not even fight? How can you ask for a share in the booty when he was calling out to you and you were not responding? However, the Prophet peace be upon him wouldn’t scrutinise such issues, for the world did not mean anything to him.

They began to follow him and kept repeating, “Give us our share!” They gathered around him, thereby restricting his path forcing him into the trees.Due to overcrowding,he was brushing against the trees as he walked, and in the process his cloak got stuck in a branch and fell off his shoulders exposing his stomach and back.

But the Prophet peace be upon him did not become angry. He only turned to them and gently said, “O People! Please hand me my cloak. I swear by the One Who has my soul in His Hand, if I had livestock as many as the trees of Tihamah,I would have distributed it amongst you and then you would have known that I am neither miserly, nor cowardly, nor a liar.” 

Surely, if he was a miser he would have kept everything for himself.If he was a coward he would have fled.If he was a liar,the Lord of the Worlds would not have aided him.

The Prophet peace be upon himhad many such great moments. Once he was walking along with some of his Companions as they passed by a

woman crying over the grave of her child.

The Prophet peace be upon him said to her,“Fear Allah and have patience.”

The woman was crying and overwhelmed with grief and did not recognise the Prophet peace be upon him.So she said,“Leave me alone! What do you care about my calamity?”

The Prophet peace be upon himremained silent and simply walked away from her. He had conveyed to her what he had to and had realised that the woman was not in a state to receive advice more than what she had heard. Some of the Companions turned to her and said,“This is the Messenger of Allah!”

The woman felt remorse over what she said. She got up to look for the Prophet peace be upon himand reached his home. She found no one at the door so she sought permission to enter and said,“O Messenger of Allah! I did not know it was you. I will have patience now.”

He replied, “Patience is to be observed at the moment a calamity strikes.” (al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Kill gently…

“Verily, Allah has enjoined excellence with regard to everything. So, when you kill, kill in a good way; when you slaughter, slaughter in a good way; so every one of you should sharpen his knife, and let the slaughtered animal die comfortably.”

38- Do not criticise me! End of story?

38- Do not criticise me! End of story?

Some people think that by criticising others over microscopic faults, they are somehow getting closer to them, or strengthening their own personality.

The truth is that a constant barrage of absolute criticism does not prove your shrewdness. On the contrary, your ability to avoid it as much as possible and endeavour to correct people in ways that do not cause them hurt or embarrassment is the indication of an astute person.

There are cases in which it is preferable you remain oblivious, especially when they involve worldly issues and personal rights.

The leader of a people is not the one who is foolish

The leader of a people is the one who pretends to be foolish

The one who is criticised views criticisms as sharp arrows directed towards him, because he feels he is deficient.This is the first point.

The second point is to try to avoid as much as you can advising someone in public: 

Advise me in private freely But do spare me of your advice in public For the advice given in public is a form of rebuke I do not

like to hear

When a mistake becomes widespread and you feel compelled to advise a person publicly, then adhere to the principle: “What is wrong with the people that they do such and such?”, as we have already explained.

A criticism is like a whip which the critic uses to lash someone’s back. Some people repel others either by the excessiveness of their criticisms, or by criticising bygone things where their criticisms do not rectify any wrongdoing or achieve any objective.

The plight of a poor man who had left his land for another country to work as a truck driver comes to mind. One day, he was very tired, but he managed to force himself to sit in the truck and drive it a long way between two cities. On the way, he was overtaken by slumber.He tried to fight off sleep and accelerated a little. He overtook a car in front of him without paying full attention, only to encounter another small car heading towards him with three passengers.

He tried to steer away but could not and collided into the car head on.There was a lot of dust and smoke at the scene, and the passersby began to stop their cars to witness the accident. The truck driver came out and looked at the car, then looked at the passengers to find them all dead.

The people took the passengers out of the car and called an ambulance.The truck driver sat there waiting for the ambulances to arrive. He began to think about what might happen to him from imprisonment or having to pay blood-money. He began to think about his young children and his wife. Poor man! His worries heaped onto him like a mountain.  

The people began to verbally attack him as they passed by. Astonishing! Was this the time to heap criticism on the poor fellow? Could it not have been delayed a little,until the driver came out of his shock?

One of them said,“Why do you drive fast? This is the result of speeding!”

The other said, “I have no doubt you were sleepy, and despite that you continued driving! Why didn’t you stop the car and sleep?”

Yet a third person said, “People like you should never be given a driving license!”

People were making these comments very harshly,screaming violently.

All the while, the man was sitting silently on a rock with his head in his hands, and suddenly, he fell to his side − dead.They killed him by the spontaneity and ruthlessness of their criticisms. If only they had waited a little, it would have been better for him and them.

Place yourself in the shoes of the one who is criticised, the one who is wrong, and think from his point of view. If you were to be in his place, you would probably make a mistake bigger than his. 

The Prophet peace be upon him was always conscious of this.

When the Prophet peace be upon himwith his Companions departed from Khaybar, they travelled for a long time until they became tired. When evening approached, they stopped at a place to sleep.The Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“Who would make sure that we wake up for Fajr so we may sleep in peace?” Bilal – may Allah be pleased with him

– who was very eager, said, “I shall wake you up, O Messenger of Allah!”

The Messenger of Allah peace be upon himthen lied down, as did the people and they all fell asleep. Bilal stood up and prayed until he became tired, since he too was tired due to the long journey. He sat down and leant against his camel to rest. As the time for Fajr began to enter, his eyelids felt heavier and heavier till he slipped into a slumber.

They were all very tired, hence they all overslept. Night passed and morning came, whilst they all remained asleep, and were only awoken by the heat of the sun.

The Prophet peace be upon himwoke up, and so did the people.When they saw the sun they became confused and clamorous. Everyone by now was looking at Bilal.

The Prophet peace be upon him looked at Bilal and said, “What have you done to us, O Bilal?”

In response, Bilal said briefly, yet explaining what precisely happened,“O Messenger of Allah! My soul was taken by the One Who took your soul.” Meaning, I am a human being. I tried to ward off sleep but I wasn’t able to. I was overtaken by sleep just as the rest of you were!

The Prophet peace be upon him said, “You have spoken the truth”, and remained silent.What would the benefit have been in blaming anyone?

When the Prophet peace be upon him saw that the people were confused, he said to them,“Let’s embark!’ They all set off.He then walked for a while and stopped by a place as they all did.They all made ablution for prayer, and the Prophet peace be upon himled the people in prayer. After concluding the prayer, the Prophet peace be upon himturned to the people and said, “If you ever forget to pray then pray as soon as you remember.”

How excellent he was! How wise he was!

He served as a learning centre for every leader, unlike some modern-day leaders who rarely avoid blaming and scolding.The Prophet peace be upon himwould place himself in the shoes of those under him, and think from their perspective. He would deal with the hearts, before dealing with the bodies. He knew that they were merely human beings and not machines!

In the 9th year of Hijrah, Rome amassed an army and began to approach from the direction of Syria in order to fight the Prophet peace be upon himand his Companions; although it is also said that the Prophet peace be upon himamassed an army himself to initiate a fight with them.

So the Prophet peace be upon himbegan to prepare an army. He incited the people until he managed to gather three thousand fighters.They were then equipped with whatever weaponry and provision that was available.

The Prophet peace be upon himsaid to them,“Your leader is Zayd bin Harithah. If Zayd is struck, then Ja’far bin Abi Talib will lead, and if Ja’far is struck, then ‘Abdullah bin Rawahah.” 

The Prophet peace be upon himwent out with them in order to bid farewell to the army.So did the people,who said to the army,“May Allah be your companion! May He defend you and return you to us safe!”

‘Abdullah bin Rawahah was yearning for martyrdom and to that end he recited his poems.

The army then headed for the battle of Mu’tah, until they stopped over a place called Ma’aan, in Syria. There the news reached them that Heraclius the Emperor of Rome had stopped over in Syria with 100,000 Roman troops, and that a further 100,000 of tribal warriors had joined him, making them 200,000 strong altogether.

When the Muslims ascertained the news, they stayed over two nights at Ma’aan considering the right course of action. Some of them said,“We should write to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himinforming him of the numbers of our enemy. He would either send us reinforcements or order us with something else, and we will do as he wishes.”

When too many people began offering their opinions, ‘Abdullah bin Rawahah stood up and said,“O people! What you dislike is what you have come out to seek − martyrdom in the path of Allah, yet you are fleeing from it! We do not fight the people with might or numbers.We do not fight them, except with the aid of this religion that Allah has blessed us with. So let us march forth! For there can only be two positive outcomes: either victory or martyrdom!” 

Hence, the people marched forth, until they approached the Roman Army at a place called Mu’tah, only to find them in great numbers, beyond anyone’s military might.

Abu Hurayrah said,“I witnessed the day of Mu’tah.When we came close to the pagans, we saw what no one could ever overcome, in terms of number, weaponry, beasts, ornaments, silk and gold. My eyes glistened.

“Thabit bin Arqam said to me,‘You did not witness Badr with us.We do not win by our numbers.’’’

Then the armies met and fought. Zayd bin Harithah fought with the flag of the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him until his body was sliced by numerous spears, due to which he was slain and martyred – may Allah be pleased with him.

Ja’far then took the flag with all his valour and attacked the enemy on his fair-haired horse. He took the flag in his right hand until it was cut off. He then took the flag by his left hand until it too was severed. He then embraced the flag, holding it with his upper arms until he was killed. He was only thirty-three years old.

Ibn ‘Umar said, “I came across Ja’far’s body that day, and counted fifty stab wounds and cuts,not one of which were on his back.Allah recompensed him for that with two wings in Paradise with which he may fly wherever he wishes.He was also struck by a Roman soldier who cut him in two halves with a sword.”

When Ja’far was killed, ‘Abdullah bin Rawahah took up the flag and moved forward on his horse, but slightly hesitated to advance towards the enemies, and said: 

“O soul! I have sworn that you will fight!

You will fight, or you will be forced to fight!

When people have assembled and shouted the war cry,

Why do I see you hating to enter Paradise?”

As he then dismounted from his horse, his cousin came to 

him with a meaty bone,saying,“Have some of this,for you have suffered much these days.” He took it and ate a little, then heard a noise coming from a certain direction. He looked at the bone he was eating and said, “You are still engaged in this world!” He threw down the bone, took his sword, pressed forward and fought until he was killed – may Allah be pleased with him.The flag fell once again and the Muslims became confused, whilst the disbelievers rejoiced. All the while, the flag was being trampled all over under the dust.

Suddenly, there came the brave Companion, Thabit bin Arqam and he raised the flag once again and shouted,“O Muslims! I have the flag! Choose your leader!”

They shouted back at him,“You be the leader!”

“I will not!” replied Thabit.

They then suggested Khalid bin al-Walid, and when he took the flag, he fought fiercely, so much so that he would say afterwards, “Nine swords were broken in my hand on the day of Mu’tah, until nothing was left in my hand except a Yemeni sword.”

Khalid then withdrew with the army into their camps, as did the Romans. Khalid also feared returning to Madinah with the army the same night, in case the Romans followed them. Hence, when they woke up, Khalid changed the positions of the army by switching the rear division with the front, and right flank with the left. 

When the battle commenced and the Romans came forth, every division from them noticed new flags and banners amongst the Muslims and new faces. They became confused and said, “Perhaps, they received reinforcements last night”, and became panic-stricken.

The Muslims managed to kill a great number of them, whilst only twelve men were killed from amongst the Muslims. Khalid then retreated with the army by the evening and continued his way back to Madinah.When they arrived in Madinah, they saw the children racing towards them.When the women met them, they began to throw dust in the face of the army saying, “You fleers! Do you run away while fighting in the path of Allah?”

When the Prophet peace be upon him heard this, since he knew that they had no choice and did all they could, he said in their defence, “They do not run away! They will turn around and attack,if Allah wills!” This was the end of the matter for him. Surely, they were all brave men who did not fall short of their duty, but they were still human beings, and what they were faced with was beyond their strength. This was the end of the matter and therefore, there was no benefit left in criticism.This was always the method of the Prophet peace be upon him.

When the disbelievers heard that the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him was heading towards Makkah with his army for a conquest, they became terrified.The Messenger of Allah peace be upon himsent to them a man who would announce to all the Makkans: 

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Whoever enters his home and closes his door shall be safe.

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Whoever enters the Mosque shall be safe.

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Whoever enters the house of Abu Sufyan shall be safe. The people began to flee from the Prophet peace be upon him.

Meanwhile, some of the horsemen of Quraysh gathered together in order to fight, but their people refused. A group of them decided to meet at a place called al-Khandamah.They were: Safwan bin Umayyah, ‘Ikrimah bin Abi Jahl, Suhayl bin ‘Amr and others who had gathered together at al-Khandamah to fight.

Hamas bin Qays was actually preparing his weapon before the Prophet peace be upon himmade his way to Makkah.When his wife noticed, she said,“Why are you preparing your weapons?”

He replied,“For Muhammad and his Companions!” His wife was aware of the Muslim might, so she said, “By Allah! I do not see anything withstanding Muhammad and his Companions!” He replied,“By Allah! I hope that I will bring one of them for your service one day”, meaning he would capture some of them and bring them to her as servants. He then left for the place called al-Khandamah where his companions had gathered, only to encounter the Muslims being led by the sword of Allah, Khalid bin al-Walid. The fighting commenced, the brave men attacked and in just a matter of a few moments, more than twelve or thirteen disbelievers were killed. When Hamas bin Qays saw this, he turned to Safwan and 

‘Ikrimah and saw them run away to their homes. He caught up with them and headed for his home.

Upon reaching home, he screamed at his wife with fear, “Please shut the door on me! They are saying whoever enters his home and closes his door shall be safe!”

She said in response, “What happened to all that you said? That you would destroy them, and bring some of them to me as servants?”

He said,

“If you were to witness the day of al-Khandamah

When Safwan as well as Ikrimah fled

When we faced the Muslim swords

As they cut our every limb and flesh

Striking us, and you hear nothing but the sound of killing,

You would not have uttered a word in criticism.”

That’s right! If only his wife had seen the suffering he had witnessed, she would not have uttered a word of criticism.

On another occasion, when the Prophet peace be upon himentered Makkah during the conquest, he was aware of the greatness of the Holy City, and therefore, only fought very little. He then said, “Allah has made this land sacred the day He created the heavens and the earth. He only gave me the allowance to fight for one hour in the day.”

It was said to him,“O Messenger of Allah! Are you forbidding us from killing? Khalid bin al-Walid in his division is killing whoever he meets from the pagans.” 

The Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“Get up,O so-and-so,and go to Khalid bin al-Walid and tell him to keep his hands up with regards to killing.”

This man obviously realised that they were in the middle of a war, and that the Prophet peace be upon himhad ordered the Quraysh to stay in their homes so they would not be killed.This implied that whoever was not in his home deserved to be fought.

Hence, he understood from the Prophet’s statement,“Keep his hands up with regards to killing”, to mean that he should kill anyone who stands in his way, and keep his hands raised from killing when he is not able to find anyone to kill!

Thus,the man came to Khalid and said,“O Khalid! The Messenger of Allah peace be upon himsays: Kill whoever you can!” Khalid, therefore, ended up killing seventy men.

A man came to the Prophet peace be upon himand said,“O Messenger of Allah! Khalid is killing!” Upon hearing this, the Prophet peace be upon himbecame surprised and thought about how he could kill after he had been forbidden. He immediately sent for Khalid.When Khalid came to him, he said,“Did I not forbid you from killing?”

Khalid became surprised and said, “O Messenger of Allah! So-and-so came to me and ordered me to kill whoever I can!” The Prophet peace be upon him then sent for that man. When he arrived, the Prophet peace be upon himsaid,“Did I not say he must raise his hands regarding killing?” The man instantly realised his fault, but it was too late.

He said,“O Messenger of Allah! You willed something.Allah willed something else and Allah’s will overpowered yours.I could not do more than what I did.” The Prophet peace be upon himremained silent and did not reply. 

Whoever contemplates over different situations in life finds it very evident that sometimes a person does the very best he could but his efforts do not reap the desired outcome.

Once I sat with a youth in his car and noted that his driving skills were excellent. I also knew that he was involved in an accident a week earlier.I asked him,“I notice that your driving skills

are very good.Why then did you have an accident a week ago?”

He said,“Well, I had to!”

I said,“That’s strange!”

He said,“Yes, I had to. Do you know why?”

I said,“Why?”

He said,“I was driving up a bridge and I was speeding.When I began to drive down the bridge, I suddenly noticed the cars in front of me were all at a standstill. I had no idea what the reason was, an accident or a check point, I had no idea.

“But I was taken by surprise.There were four lanes in front of me and all four of them were full of cars. I had the choice of steering away from them all and falling off the bridge, or putting my foot down on the brakes and letting the car play with me as it wants, or the third choice, which was the easiest of them all...”

“Which was?” I asked.

“To crash into one of the four cars in front of me!”

I laughed and said,“I see! So what did you do then?”

He said, “I slowed down as much as I could, choose the

cheapest car in front of me and smashed into it!” 

He then laughed as did I, but I thought about what he had said, and thought that perhaps he did not deserve much criticism, because his choices were limited. Some problems simply do not have a solution. If a person’s father happens to be very bigoted, he tries to advise him using all means, and if he does not listen, what more can he do?

A suggestion

Put yourself in the shoes of the one criticised and think from his perspective. Only then pass a judgement on him.

37- Convince him of his error so he may accept advice

37- Convince him of his error so he may accept advice

Some people tend to engage others uselessly by offering excessive unsolicited advice and remarks, which may be solely based on their personal liking.

For instance, after attending a wedding party that you and your wife had planned and organised, an invitee complains to you,“Dear brother, the wedding party was not very appropriate. You tired yourself in vain. I was under the impression that the party would be of a higher standard.”

“How so?” you ask, civilly.

He says, “Dear brother, most of the meat was fried. I personally prefer boiled meat.The salad was sour due to too much lemon, not exactly to my taste.The sweets were all decorated with cream, which made them repulsive.”

He then says,“Generally,most of the people disliked the food. They only ate out of courtesy, or because they had no choice!”

No doubt, you would despise this adviser and avoid him. You would never accept his counsel, because it is only based on personal taste!

You can say the same about someone who advises the next person quite harshly about how to deal with his children, his 

wife, or how he should have had his house built, or the kind of car he should have bought, purely based on his own personal preferences and opinions.

Always beware that you do not base your advice on your personal preferences.Yes,if someone asks your opinion,do share it with him. But to speak to him as you would advise a person who has erred, then certainly not. Perhaps the one given advice does not feel that he has erred. Therefore, if you are to offer your advice, you must make sure that your argument is strong while advising him aptly.

A Bedouin once sat with a group of righteous people,as they spoke about kindness to parents.While the Bedouin sat and listened, one of them turned to him and said,“O so-and-so! How are you with your mother?”

The Bedouin replied,“I am kind to her.”

He said,“What do you do to show your kindness to her?”

The Bedouin replied,“By Allah! I never hit her with a stick!”

Meaning, if he ever wanted to hit her, he would hit her either with his hand or his turban, but not with a stick out of his extreme kindness towards her! The poor man had no idea about right and wrong. So be soft and kind so that the one you are addressing may be convinced of his mistake.

At the time of the Prophet peace be upon him , there was a woman who would borrow items from other women and forget to return them. Upon being reminded, she would deny that she had ever borrowed anything. This continued until it became unbearable and the people complained to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him, who decreed that her hand be cut off. However, it became agonising for the Quraysh that her hand be severed whilst she was from one of their greatest tribes.They decided to speak to the Prophet peace be upon himin order to lighten the sentence by giving her another punishment, such as lashing or a fine, etc. Each time a person came to discuss with the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himabout this issue, he returned unsuccessfully. 

They decided that no one would dare to speak to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him except Usamah bin Zayd, the most beloved person to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him and the son of the most beloved to him,for both he and his father were brought up in the house of the Prophet peace be upon him, such that he considered them his sons. Thus, they spoke to Usamah.

Usamah came to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him. The Prophet welcomed him and sat with him. Usamah began to speak to the Prophet peace be upon him about lightening the sentence. He argued that the woman was from the most noble of people. Usamah continued to speak as the Prophet peace be upon himlistened, trying to convince the Prophet peace be upon him of his view.

The Prophet peace be upon himlooked at Usamah as he was discussing and debating with all conviction, not knowing that what he was asking for was actually not possible!

The Prophet’s complexion changed and he became angry. The first thing he did was to explain to him his error, saying “Are you interceding with me to violate one of the legal punishments of Allah?” He was explaining the reason behind his anger towards Usamah, and that none may intercede with regards to Allah’s legal punishments which He has obligated upon His servants to implement. 

Usamah realised his mistake and immediately said to the Prophet peace be upon him,“Seek forgiveness for me, O Messenger of Allah!”

When the evening came, the Prophet peace be upon him stood up and addressed the people.He praised Allah as He should be praised and said, “To proceed, the people before you were only destroyed because when a noble person from amongst them stole, they left him, and when a weak person stole, they implemented the legal punishment on him. I swear by the One who has my soul in His Hand, if Fatimah the daughter of Muhammad were to steal, I

would cut off her hand!”

He then ordered that the woman’s hand be cut off.

‘A’ishah – may Allah be pleased with her – said of this woman,“She sincerely repented thereafter and got married. She used to come to me and I would speak to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him about her needs.” (al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Usamah bin Zayd – may Allah be pleased with him – had various moments with the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himand all of them are full of examples of mercy and gentle ways of dealing.

Usamah said, “The Messenger of Allah peace be upon him dispatched us to al-Huraqat, a sub-tribe of Juhaynah, so we defeated them and pursued them in their trails.A man from the Ansaar and I came across a man from amongst them. Upon seeing us, he hid behind a tree.When we caught up with him and raised a sword to strike him with, he said, ‘There is no one worthy of worship but Allah!’

“My colleague lowered his sword, but I thought the man was only saying it out of his fear of the sword.Thus, I attacked and killed him. But then, I felt uneasy about it in my heart. So I came to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himand informed him of what had happened. 

“He said to me,‘He said,‘There is no one worthy of worship but Allah,’ then you killed him?’

“I said,‘He did not say it willingly. He only said it out of fear of our weapons’

“But the Prophet peace be upon himrepeated his question,‘Did he say,‘There is no god worthy of worship but Allah,’ and you then killed him? Did you cut open his heart to know for certain that he only said it out of his fear of your weapons?!’’’

Usamah remained silent, for he obviously did not cut open his heart. But it was still in the battlefield, and the man he killed was, indeed, a warrior.

Still, the Prophet peace be upon himkept repeating the criticism,“Did he say ‘There is no god but Allah’, and then you killed him?”

“O Usamah! You killed a man after he had said,‘There is no god but Allah!’ How would you deal with this testimony – ‘There is no god but Allah’ – on the Day of Resurrection?!”

“He continued to repeat himself until I wished I had only accepted Islam that day”, said Usamah. (al-Bukhari and Muslim)

Contemplate on how he gradually explained to him his fault, convinced him thereof, and then admonished and advised him. In order to convince the one you are advising, try to debate his thoughts and principles however much you can.Try to think from his view point. 

Once, while the Prophet peace be upon himwas sitting in his blessed gathering, surrounded by his immaculate Companions, there came a young man into the mosque and began to look right and left as if he was looking for someone. His eyes fell on the Prophet peace be upon himso he walked towards him.

It was assumed that the young man would sit in the circle and listen to Allah’s remembrance. But he did not.The man simply looked at the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him and the Companions around him, and said with all boldness, “O Messenger of Allah! Allow me to…” seek knowledge? No.This is not what he said. If only he had said that! Nor did he say,“Allow me to make Jihad”. If only he had said that.

Do you know what he said?

He said,“O Messenger of Allah! Allow me to fornicate.”

How astonishing! He asked such a question so frankly!

“Allow me to fornicate!”

The Prophet peace be upon him looked at the young man. Although, it was possible for him to admonish him by reciting Qur’anic verses, or advising him briefly with words that may move his heart, he chose to take a different route.

He said to him gently, “Would you like anyone to fornicate with your mother?”

The young man shook as he thought of someone fornicating with his mother and said,“No. I would never like that for my mother.”

The Prophet peace be upon himthen said to him gently,“Likewise, the people would not like it for their mothers either.” He then asked him, “Would you like it for your sister?” 

The young man was shaken again as he thought of his chaste sister fornicating and instantly said,“No.I would never like it for my sister.”

The Prophet peace be upon himreplied,“Similarly,the people would not like it for their sisters.” He then asked him, “Would you like it for

your paternal aunt? Would you like it for your maternal aunt?”

The young man kept saying,“No… No…”

The Prophet peace be upon himthen said to him,“Then love for the people what you love for yourself, and dislike for the people what you dislike for yourself.”

The young man then realised he was wrong and said with all humility, “O Messenger of Allah! Pray to Allah to cleanse my heart!”

The Prophet peace be upon himthen called him, and the young man walked towards him and sat down in front of him.The Prophet peace be upon himplaced his hand on his chest and said,“O Allah! Guide his heart,forgive his sins, and guard his chastity.”

The young man then left saying,“By Allah, I went to the Messenger of Allah peace be upon himwhile fornication was the most beloved action to me. But as I left his company, fornication was the most hateful action to me.”

Also, take note of his tender treatment when he called him, placed his hand on his chest and prayed for him. He used all possible means to rectify the person he was dealing with. This was after convincing him of the repulsiveness of the action, so that when he abandoned the action, he did so out of his own conviction, and therefore never performed that evil action, either in his presence or absence. 

Rule…

If the wrongdoer realises the despicableness of his wrongdoing, he inevitably becomes convinced that he is in need of advice. He therefore becomes more receptive to, and more convinced of the advice being given.